August 2009
The War Against Insomnia
When it comes to conversations about insomnia, one might think we were at war. This isn’t all that surprising, since we typically approach health challenges in this way. We fight disease, combat infections, kill germs, and go to battle with our symptoms.
These kinds of fighting words are integral to the sleep disorders culture as well. We’ve had it with the scourge of insomnia. We’re fed up with being worn down and ready for a fight. How does such a warring posture toward our insomnia symptoms affect us?
People with chronic insomnia frequently experience great frustration and even anger. Many will admit to secretly hurling expletives at their nighttime sleeplessness. They toss and turn, get up, get back down, think hard about why they can’t sleep and try as hard to just stop thinking. They go to battle with a mind that just won’t stop. And in the end, too many take off their gloves and reach for sleeping pills.
A combative attitude toward nighttime wakefulness inevitably backfires. It heightens arousal and adrenaline, triggering a vicious cycle of increasing frustration and even greater wakefulness. We simply can’t fight our way back to the peace of sleep.
The most common effect of nighttime wakefulness is, obviously, daytime sleepiness. Given the demands of waking life, the intrusion of sleepiness into our days is as unwelcome as the disruption of wakefulness in our nights. Too many people continue the fight on this front, as well. They struggle terribly with unwanted urges to sleep. With assistance from caffeine, sugary foods and sheer will power, they mount a determined campaign against dreaded daytime sleepiness.
Chronic skirmishes with unwanted sleepiness by day can affect our relationship with the sleepiness we covet at night. Sleepiness is like a kitten. It’s gentle and delicate – and it can be quite skittish. If we habitually rebuff it by day, it will certainly shy away from us at night.
A Non-Violent Approach
So many of our unexamined reactions to insomnia — to nighttime sleeplessness and daytime sleepiness — are well-intended efforts that have simply gone awry. I believe we suffer from a kind of psychological friendly fire. As reflected in Jerry Seinfeld’s ‘Night Guy’ bit, the battleground for these sleep skirmishes lies within us.
Instead of fighting symptoms of insomnia, we can learn to cultivate a non-violent approach to heal our sleep. This is not about a passive resignation to our symptoms, but an active practice of giving up the fight that seriously exacerbates them.
It’s important to understand that varying degrees of wakefulness and sleepiness normally co-exist. Waking and sleeping are not, as is commonly believed, mutually exclusive events. Even when we are deeply asleep, some residues of waking may be present. Similarly, when we are wide awake, wispy remnants of sleep linger about. It’s normal to become aware of our wakefulness at times during the night. In fact, there is evidence that a stretch of middle of the night wakefulness may be natural. Nighttime wakefulness is not our enemy.
Neither is daytime sleepiness. Its normal to experience some sleepiness during our waking day — especially in the mid-afternoon, a time when we are naturally inclined to nap. In fact, gentle fluctuations in our energy throughout the day are also normal. It is helpful to tune into and ride these natural rhythms of activity and rest.
If, however, sleepiness nags at you throughout the day, it’s calling for your kind attention. Beyond doing all you can to improve your sleep at night, it’s very important to optimize the use of your daytime energy. Devoting already limited stores of energy to combat daytime sleepiness will only diminish it further.
As an alternative, practice greeting daytime sleepiness with acceptance. Whenever possible (without compromising your safety), allow yourself to simply surrender to it, if even for just a moment. Let go into it, allowing your body and your mind to just droop if they wish. When we intentionally stop fighting to stay awake, it can result in a gentle, buoyant rebound of energy.
This non-violent approach allows sleepiness to peacefully co-exist with wakefulness. Perhaps most importantly, this practice also helps us re-establish a positive association with the experience of sleepiness, making it much less skittish as night.
My book, Healing Night, offers additional suggestions for both improving one’s sleep as well as transforming our warring posture toward insomnia. Ultimately, to heal our sleep, we must relinquish our combative attitude toward its symptoms. In short, we must begin by forgiving our insomnia.